So, I got bored and decided to rank my 25 favorite songs. Not an easy task. Now I'm not saying that these songs are necessarily the best songs of all time; they're just the one's that I like for whatever reason. And then in the middle I remembered another one, so now our list is 26. =] Without further ado...

26. Incubus - Drive

I can be a bit of a narcissist at times. I don't like it.

Peace, love, and hypnotherapy,

Justin

Hello, faithful reader! Yours truly had a very eventful weekend, although he wasn't planning on it. Originally I was just planning on going home for the weekend because I hadn't done that yet this semester and I missed my family. But Friday night when I got home I remembered that Saturday nigh t Eve 6 would be performing at school. Now I'm not extremely familiar with them (even though Inside Out is one of my favorite songs), but they are one of the few bands that I'll put on whenever I'm looking for music with an edge and good lyrics. I was considering not even coming back to see them, but I figured I might as well since I hadn't done anything fun like that in a while.

AND I HAD SUCH AN AMAZING AWESOME FUCKING TIME!

Wendy, Pam and I were right up against the stage, and I could practically smell the guitarist's ballsweat. They played a lot of the songs I liked, and when they played Inside Out I just completely rocked the hell out and had the time of my life. It was super-dee-duper! Afterwards we met the band and Wendy got the original set list signed, which was pretty cool. Afterwards even though I was tired I was too energized to sleep, which was a bit of a bummer because I couldn't fall asleep til like 6 in the morning. =[

Around 9:30 I got a call from Wendy saying that Jacligza wasn't feeling well enough to go on the trip to the Holocaust Museum in DC, so they had another ticket. My sleep-deprived brain pondered this for a second before clambering out of bed and preparing myself for the day's adventures. The bus ride wasn't too bad (I LOVE the autumn trees), and the museum itself was pretty good too (albeit depressing). Then Wendy, Pam, Dan and I went to find some food because we were all starving. We ended up in some shitty ass food court with nearly inedible food. Overall the trip was good though, and I was glad I went.

Overall, I just had an awesome weekend, and that makes me happy.

Peace, love, and barnacles,

Justin

Well tonight I finally finished a paper that I'd been putting off for the past two weeks, for my Existentialism class. It dealt a lot with Kierkegaard's statement "truth is subjectivity". He basically believed that when we think of something as being true, what actually is truth is how the thing is related us. When we think of a tree, we don't think of a tree's essence, and what it means to be a tree, but we think about how it relates to us - its physical appearance as well as functions the tree might have in our lives, etc. If we wanted to actually understand a tree, we would have to BE a tree. The objective truth of "tree-ness" is impossible to be understood by us, because we are trapped by our own subjective natures. This is why truth is subjectivity. Everything we try to understand passes through our filter of subjectivity, and then we assign truth values to whatever we are thinking about it as well as HOW we think about it (our attitudes towards things). All we are able to have truth about is how things relate to us, not the things themselves.

I actually ended up enjoying the paper I wrote because I can pretty much agree with what he's saying (considering truth as subjectivity). My official philosophy on what people should believe is that people should simply believe in what feels right to them. If you're an athiest, that's cool. Muslim, that's cool too. I feel that it is in man's nature to want and search for the truth. If a certain set of beliefs rings true in your ears, then you cannot be condemned for holding onto what you believe to be true, because for you it IS truth.

Kierkegaard then goes on to explain why people need faith in their lives. And yes, I realize that I'm pretty much just regurgitating parts of my paper, but I feel that these ideas are definitely still relevant today. And besides, if you're still reading at this point then you don't dislike it too much. =] It's starts to get kinda dense at this point, but hopefully I'll be able to make it understood...

Right now, think about the present moment. No matter how you try to deny it, you simply cannot deny the fact that right now this present moment exists. But what about the next moment? Or ten minutes from now? Or ten years from now? Or what about the moment after death? You cannot be absolutely 100% certain that these moments will exist for you, and that at the very next moment the entire universe won't cease to exist and be nothing. I don't think it's likely, but hey, it could happen. This is what the future is. Uncertainty. When people begin to realize the uncertainty of the future, they also begin to realize that if there is a future, they have complete freedom to make the future what it is. (Some hard determinists would disagree with me, but I think most tend to believe that humans have free will).

When we are faced with the uncertainty of the future, and realize that we are forced to make choices, it fills us with a sense of dread. It is an enormous responsibility to literally CREATE THE FUTURE. Think about that. That's what you are doing, at every moment of your life. But dread does not mean to imply being scared that one will make bad decisions, that's fear, not dread. Dread is what is the feeling you get when on some level of your consciousness, you realize that it is possible that in the next moment YOU WILL NOT EXIST AT ALL. That's a scary thought for the human psyche to grapple with. So how does it deal with the dread?

It searches for truth - for certainty - about that which is by definition uncertain, namely, the future. There are a number of propositions that claim to give that certainty: different religions, spirituality, metaphysics, etc. But when it comes to these sort of things, you CANNOT be rational and scientific about it, even if you wanted to. If one is trying to decide whether or not to believe in God, he cannot do so by trying to use scientific proofs and logical arguments. You could hear all the reasons why other people believe in God, read the Bible or listen to other's logic for trying to prove or disprove God, but ultimately, this will never be enough to completely convince you of God's existence (or of any proposition that claims to provide truth about the uncertainty of the future). In order to truly believe, you have to take the "leap of faith" and simply believe what feels true to you. But you can't just be half-hearted about it, that would be being untrue to yourself. You have to actually believe it with all your soul. In having this kind of belief, one is practicing what is TRUE to them, and being aligned in truth is what rids man of his existential dread.

Even if a man believes that when you die, you become part of a giant banana, if he believes this with all his heart, he will feel secure and safe. He asks no more "what if" type questions, and is simply able to live his life. For him, it is what he KNOWS to be true. This is why faith in something - just about anything - is important in a person's life. It enables us to surrender our dread, like a 2 ton weight off of our shoulders, and to live more gracefully. If you KNOW that you are loved and you KNOW that everything is going to be okay, isn't life a lot easier? I think so. And even the atheist, who believes that there is nothing else but this life, exactly as we experience it...doesn't that give him all the more reason to make the most of life?

For me, I am happy to say that I do indeed place my faith in God. This may be a surprise for many who read this, as I used to be very much against religion and all things related to this thing called "God". But I have had times in my life where I have experienced the presence of God, and I could no longer remain true to myself if I denied God's existence. I still am against organized religion, as I feel that it does more harm than good - but I also recognize its necessity in the daily and spiritual lives of those who believe it. God is just what feels true to me. And I couldn't be more grateful for that feeling.

Last year, Ryan gave me a few words that have eased my mind considerably, and maybe they might ease yours as well, if you happen to find yourself unsure of your own beliefs. "God doesn't care if you believe in him." There could be nothing truer. God is infinite acceptance and unconditional love (and so are you), whether you believe or not. Either way, you're okay. Just live your life and be happy. =]

"There is nothing but love, everything else is our resistance to it."

I love you all.

Peace, love, and crawdads,

Justin

Time for today's Sunday Secret!

The desire to learn to play guitar is one of the few things that has come completely from me and from me only, and desired only because I thought it will make me happy. And that makes me happy. =]

As does playing my guitar.

Peace, love, and duress,

Justin

I decided I'm going to totally steal Kae Lani's brilliant idea of the Sunday Secret. Consider it homage to her wonderful blogstyle.

So on to today's secret..

When I was a wee lad (around kindergarten age), my favorite color was pink.

Last night Antoine and I walked over to Hops & Grapes to grab some alkies-hall, which I kinda hate doing because I always feel sketchy because I'm under 21 (for another month at least), and I know that I don't really hide my emotions that well so I probably look sketchy too..but it was okay because I was with Antoine and Antoine is awesome and makes me laff a million laffs.

So then we take our newly-purchased passion fruit Smirnoff and mixer over to Wendy's, where we meet her friend Mavae, and the party commences! And then after about 20 minutes or so Shane and Adam come by with approximately 8,003 people, and the apartment was hot and cramped, but it was okay because we we're playing kings with some new-found friends, and good times were had. Except for the little fucking blue man, but we can blame Antoine for that.

AND THEN STEPH CAME! AND I WAS HAPPY!

Then most of the people left to go to Beau (because they enjoy sexual assaults, most likely), so it was Jacligza, Wendy, Mavae, Antoine, Stephanie, and me, and we stayed and had a few more sips of drinky-drank and then we were off to Beau as well! We headed over to Lee's, only to find that there weren't many people there. That's when the dark stormy metaphorical rainclouds came over our night. Mavae had had a bit too much alkies-hall and wasn't able to get it out of his estomago. Unconsciousness ensued. We got the prowling puhlease-men to get an ambulance for him, so he and Julie and Wendy went to the hospital. He's okay now. =]

Then Steph, Antoine and I walked back to my apartment talking about various things in the way that only drunken friends can, and I ordered Domino's. Then I was asleep and out for the night.

With the exception of Mavae's drunkenness, I had a pretty damn good night. It was nice to hang out with Stephanie and Antoine again, because I love them dearly and don't see them nearly enough.

And noowwwwww it's Friday, and Natalia is coming to OMS, and then Kae Lani is coming to yoga, and I'm a happy bitch.

Peace, love, and cold pizza,

Justin

I can sense change coming. I don't know what exactly it's going to entail, but I can feel it. Right now I can just tell that I'm in a transitioning period; I'm leaving one phase of my life behind. I feel a little bit like a flower that's just about to bloom. I've been doing a lot of work on myself internally, and it's about time for manifestation, and putting my work into practice.

One thing that has definitely been manifesting itself (and beautifully, I might add) is the meditation group that my roommate, Ryan, and I have started at Rowan. Tomorrow will be the fourth week that Open-Minded Spirits (OMS) is meeting, and already we have over twenty members. This makes me extremely happy. Towards the end of the summer when I was debating on whether or not this was a project that I really want to embark upon this project, there was a little voice that told me "Get the ball rolling, and the rest will unfold on it's own". I found that sometimes it's good to listen to the voices in my head =] The whole purpose of the club is simply to raise people's consciousness, and to awaken people to the truth that lies inside them. Meditation is great for that. Good intentions and good actions will lead to good results!

Another thing that I'm trying to start doing is writing again (hence this blog). I used to write all the time; raps, poems, blogging, etc. I haven't had the motivation to write in a very long time, and even now I can tell that my writing level has dropped considerably, which disappoints me some. Yeah, I can still string together a sentence obviously, but my words lack the life that they used to have. It feels that way to me at least, and that's what matters. So now I'm just trying to force myself to blog again in the hopes that I'll find places from which to draw inspiration that I didn't have before. I eventually want to start rapping again, that was something that I loved to do and was my best form of creativity, and I miss being creative. I just need that spark...

And, I miss hanging out with my friends, very dearly. That's going to be changing soon too. =D

Peace, love, and chairs,

Justin