Well tonight I finally finished a paper that I'd been putting off for the past two weeks, for my Existentialism class. It dealt a lot with Kierkegaard's statement "truth is subjectivity". He basically believed that when we think of something as being true, what actually is truth is how the thing is related us. When we think of a tree, we don't think of a tree's essence, and what it means to be a tree, but we think about how it relates to us - its physical appearance as well as functions the tree might have in our lives, etc. If we wanted to actually understand a tree, we would have to BE a tree. The objective truth of "tree-ness" is impossible to be understood by us, because we are trapped by our own subjective natures. This is why truth is subjectivity. Everything we try to understand passes through our filter of subjectivity, and then we assign truth values to whatever we are thinking about it as well as HOW we think about it (our attitudes towards things). All we are able to have truth about is how things relate to us, not the things themselves.

I actually ended up enjoying the paper I wrote because I can pretty much agree with what he's saying (considering truth as subjectivity). My official philosophy on what people should believe is that people should simply believe in what feels right to them. If you're an athiest, that's cool. Muslim, that's cool too. I feel that it is in man's nature to want and search for the truth. If a certain set of beliefs rings true in your ears, then you cannot be condemned for holding onto what you believe to be true, because for you it IS truth.

Kierkegaard then goes on to explain why people need faith in their lives. And yes, I realize that I'm pretty much just regurgitating parts of my paper, but I feel that these ideas are definitely still relevant today. And besides, if you're still reading at this point then you don't dislike it too much. =] It's starts to get kinda dense at this point, but hopefully I'll be able to make it understood...

Right now, think about the present moment. No matter how you try to deny it, you simply cannot deny the fact that right now this present moment exists. But what about the next moment? Or ten minutes from now? Or ten years from now? Or what about the moment after death? You cannot be absolutely 100% certain that these moments will exist for you, and that at the very next moment the entire universe won't cease to exist and be nothing. I don't think it's likely, but hey, it could happen. This is what the future is. Uncertainty. When people begin to realize the uncertainty of the future, they also begin to realize that if there is a future, they have complete freedom to make the future what it is. (Some hard determinists would disagree with me, but I think most tend to believe that humans have free will).

When we are faced with the uncertainty of the future, and realize that we are forced to make choices, it fills us with a sense of dread. It is an enormous responsibility to literally CREATE THE FUTURE. Think about that. That's what you are doing, at every moment of your life. But dread does not mean to imply being scared that one will make bad decisions, that's fear, not dread. Dread is what is the feeling you get when on some level of your consciousness, you realize that it is possible that in the next moment YOU WILL NOT EXIST AT ALL. That's a scary thought for the human psyche to grapple with. So how does it deal with the dread?

It searches for truth - for certainty - about that which is by definition uncertain, namely, the future. There are a number of propositions that claim to give that certainty: different religions, spirituality, metaphysics, etc. But when it comes to these sort of things, you CANNOT be rational and scientific about it, even if you wanted to. If one is trying to decide whether or not to believe in God, he cannot do so by trying to use scientific proofs and logical arguments. You could hear all the reasons why other people believe in God, read the Bible or listen to other's logic for trying to prove or disprove God, but ultimately, this will never be enough to completely convince you of God's existence (or of any proposition that claims to provide truth about the uncertainty of the future). In order to truly believe, you have to take the "leap of faith" and simply believe what feels true to you. But you can't just be half-hearted about it, that would be being untrue to yourself. You have to actually believe it with all your soul. In having this kind of belief, one is practicing what is TRUE to them, and being aligned in truth is what rids man of his existential dread.

Even if a man believes that when you die, you become part of a giant banana, if he believes this with all his heart, he will feel secure and safe. He asks no more "what if" type questions, and is simply able to live his life. For him, it is what he KNOWS to be true. This is why faith in something - just about anything - is important in a person's life. It enables us to surrender our dread, like a 2 ton weight off of our shoulders, and to live more gracefully. If you KNOW that you are loved and you KNOW that everything is going to be okay, isn't life a lot easier? I think so. And even the atheist, who believes that there is nothing else but this life, exactly as we experience it...doesn't that give him all the more reason to make the most of life?

For me, I am happy to say that I do indeed place my faith in God. This may be a surprise for many who read this, as I used to be very much against religion and all things related to this thing called "God". But I have had times in my life where I have experienced the presence of God, and I could no longer remain true to myself if I denied God's existence. I still am against organized religion, as I feel that it does more harm than good - but I also recognize its necessity in the daily and spiritual lives of those who believe it. God is just what feels true to me. And I couldn't be more grateful for that feeling.

Last year, Ryan gave me a few words that have eased my mind considerably, and maybe they might ease yours as well, if you happen to find yourself unsure of your own beliefs. "God doesn't care if you believe in him." There could be nothing truer. God is infinite acceptance and unconditional love (and so are you), whether you believe or not. Either way, you're okay. Just live your life and be happy. =]

"There is nothing but love, everything else is our resistance to it."

I love you all.

Peace, love, and crawdads,

Justin
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